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[DC Comics] The Longest Month
A birthday present for Hati, this basically takes the scenario I had imagined for a roleplaying game (doesn't everything lead back there? XD) and liberally applies it to fanfic. I am sad to admit it's slightly OC-heavy, but! At least it's kind of funny? I think?
Title: The Longest Month
Fandom: DC Comics [Batman and Robin]
Relationship: Dick+Damian, Stephanie+Damian
Universe: AU [no name yet]
Summary: So Bruce and Talia are finally fighting for custody of Damian. Unfortunately? Damian has to go live with his "crazy relatives" until it blows over. And when Dick and Steph pay him a visit... well, this can't end well on anyone's part, can it?
Disclaimer: Only things I own in this fic is Damian's crazy aunt and uncle. Everything else, though, belongs to DC Comics. I'm just borrowing them for a fanfic! ♥
For the fiftieth time that day, Damian Al'Ghul Wayne couldn't help fuming. He stomped his feet, crossed his arms, and stared deeply into the eyes of the woman standing before him. Her hijab (or "headscarf," as the Americans called it) didn't even phase him. Clenching his teeth, the young boy grimaced, "Tell me again: Why am I living with you?"
"The custody battle between your mother and father was too rough," The woman gently smiled at him. She didn't even wince when he attempted to kick her in the shins. Merely dodging his every move, the woman then blocked his next attack and continued smiling, "So you're living with me until they can settle on some kind of compromise."
Damian sneered, "You couldn't live in Gotham? We have to live in upstate New York?"
"The further away you are from the both of them, the better," The woman nodded.
He kicked her again; she merely blocked his next move and tossed him onto the ground. Damian stared up at her. "When did you---how did you---Tt!"
The woman sighed, "Ya Allah... I used to live in Gotham, habibi. If you don't know how to defend yourself against ninjas or pirates or astaghfirullah, supervillains, you're pretty much doomed."
Adjusting her hijab, she then extended a hand towards Damian, "Come on. You're not going to change things by killing me."
"I wish," Damian muttered under his breath. Refusing her hand, he stood up and promptly brushed past her.
"Habibi---"
Damian glared back at her, "What."
"You just walked into the pool."
He promptly stared down at his now-soaked body. Frowning - and ignoring her words! - he then threw his hands in the air as he walked back inside. The woman watched him head into the wrong part of the house yet again... but still, she said nothing.
Pressing a hand to her cheek, she moaned, "This is going to be a long day."
It had been almost 48 hours since Damian Wayne had to leave Gotham. Even though neither Dick nor Stephanie wanted to admit it, Gotham had been significantly different without their little twerp proclaiming and bragging every five minutes.
"I miss him," Batgirl commented one evening while they were both on patrol. "How long do you think that custody battle's going to last?"
"It's going to be a while," Batman shook his head. Neatly kicking five henchmen into a dark alleyway, he clapped his hands, "They said in court yesterday that it would take at least a month to settle, if not more."
Groaning, Batgirl backflipped another henchman into submission. "You're kidding me. One month at least without the brat?"
"I thought you didn't like him," Batman couldn't help the smile tugging at his lips.
Batgirl threw her arms into the air as she flailed, "I-I don't! It's just--"
"You very much miss him," A voice laughed through both of their comm links.
Scowling, Batgirl put a hand to her own, "Not funny, Oracle."
"She does," Batman replied affirmatively, "I never thought I'd see the day."
Batgirl glared at him, "ANYWAY. Where's he living for the time being?"
"Upstate New York. One of Talia's incredibly distant relatives lives there with her husband. They're supposed to be much tamer than the rest of the family."
"Supposed to be--"
"They're both active in the Muslim community."
Batgirl now stared at him, "You swear they're related to Ra's Al'Ghul? That does not sound like them or their family. At all."
"The files check out," Oracle responded. "You still interested in visiting him? I'm pretty sure you and Dick are allowed at any time--"
"Yes! Let's go!" Batgirl didn't even wait for Batman as she jumped into the Batmobile. "Come on! I think we'll need to---"
"We won't be able to take a break for yet another week," Batman patiently cut her off as he slipped into the driver's seat. "Can you wait until then?"
Pouting, Batgirl slumped in her seat, "... Yeah, okay." She immediately perked up at the radio. Now flipping it on and going between stations, she added, "If you let me play Lady Gaga on our way home."
Batman smiled slightly back at her, "I never thought you'd ask."
It was official: this had to be the longest week in Damian's life. After one painful, long evening with the Nahar family - it took him five hours to get the names of Dr. Wadi Nahar and Mrs. Kalila Nahar! - Damian realized he would have to live with them until the end of the custody battle.
As the days passed - with homeschooling, random Arabic soap operas, and the occasional forced "play date" - Damian found himself counting down the days until the next court session. Why did these people have to lavish so much attention on him? He liked being alone. Really!
If he was just reading, Dr. Nahar would poke his head in and ramble about some stupid story involving goats and field mice and... well, Damian stopped paying attention at the fifth mention of a cow. If there was a moral, he wouldn't have found it anywhere.
Kalila wasn't much better. She kept insisting on calling him "habibi," but even worse? She believed that olive oil cured everything. If Damian had a cold? Just pour some olive oil with dinner and voila, instant cure! Everything would be fine if the habibi would just follow his parents' love and care.
GAH. Not only did he hate the endearment (habibi basically meant "sweetheart") but he also disliked their fondness for olive oil. It was bad enough that he had to encounter it back in the League of Assassins, but here? Guess that old saying was true: You can take people out of the Middle East, but you can't take the Middle East out of people.
Now, as he stared at the hummus and pita chips Kalila laid out before him, Damian sighed, "You didn't have to."
"But I wanted to," Kalila smiled, breaking the silence as she dipped a pita chip straight into the hummus. She swallowed it, then laughed, "I haven't had children in here in ages. It feels kind of nice."
Damian glared, "I'm not a kid."
"Of course you're not," Kalila insisted in that sickeningly sweet tone Damian had come to hate, "Habibi, are you sure you don't want it? It tastes pretty yummy."
"I'm fine," He grimaced. "I'll eat later."
He jumped off the bar stool, brushing past Dr. Nahar ("Hayaati, are you sure he's not allergic to olive oil?") and running straight to his bedroom. Funny, he didn't think about this room - not with its large, open windows - as his until he kept feeling threatened by these people.
Grimacing and staring at his own reflection, Damian made shapes with his fingertips. How many more weeks would he have to endure this? These people were crazy!
They knew martial arts ("We used to live in Gotham. Remember?"); they were related to his mother (excuse enough for their insanity), and they insisted on Qur'anic verse nearly every day. It was the absolute worst.
"Ya Allah---" He cut himself short, "Ugh, I'm turning into them."
He could hear the doorbell. Ignoring it completely, he watched the clouds outside roll past the house. There were even the neighbors' kids - who completely avoided him after the sandwich disaster - playing outside with their dog. A perfect afternoon, right?
"Damian? Habibi?"
Again with that nickname? God, it wasn't going to stop! Damian called back, "What."
"Someone's here to see you."
Ya Allah, it had better not be Aspen. Please don't let it be Aspen, please don't let it be that crazy kid who thought squirrels were an endangered species... please, please, please!
And as he stared at the smiling, blonde teenager before him, all Damian could think was, I wish this had actually been Crazy Squirrel Boy.
Stephanie knew Damian was thrilled to see her! From the way his jaw dropped to the way he buried his face in his hands... he was absolutely ecstatic to be free from his iron prison for a couple of hours! (They couldn't break him out: she had pleaded with Oracle for hours. But Oracle just wouldn't budge.
"What if the media got ahold of Dick Grayson and Tim Drake's ex-girlfriend busting Damian out? Then they just might make the leap of the Wayne family being the Batfamily."
There was absolutely no way the media would have made that leap! Ever! Come on. Someone like Damian, be Robin? He would be too busy charming every single lady he met.)
"Hey, Damian," She grinned as she plopped down beside him. "How's life?"
"Fine until you showed up," He scooted further from her.
Pouting, she leaned back, "Jerk. I basically tried to come visit for forever and you tell me, 'Oh, I don't need you here?' Spill."
Swinging a chair towards the two of them, Kalila then sat down near Stephanie and Damian. "Mr. Grayson's coming up in a minute. He just got distracted by the musakhan and hummus Wadi was making."
Damian smiled, "You're making musakhan?"
Stephanie couldn't help staring, "Whoa. You're smiling." She then waved her hands in front of him, "Are you really Damian Wayne? Or did I just walk into the Twilight Zone?"
He blankly stared at her, "I have no idea what you just said."
Laughing, Kalila adjusted her hijab, "You two are just like brother and sister! Yes, we're making musakhan. I figured since you liked it, we should have it more often."
Steph glanced from Damian to Kalila for a few moments before she slowly, slyly replied, "Can you give me the recipe? I really want to know what this dish is if it is Damian Wayne's one true weakness."
Immediately blushing, Damian looked away, "It is not!"
"It's just chicken," Kalila shrugged. "But it's cooked like it is back home in Jordan. I suppose Damian just really likes Arabian food?"
"Makes sense," Steph remarked as she leaned in to ruffle Damian's hair. Now plopping her elbow and successfully headlocking him, she grinned, "Man, I need to have him be around people like you more often."
Damian squirmed, "Gerroff!"
"See," Kalila laughed, "He wasn't like this around Aspen or any of the other neighborhood kids."
Steph gasped, "He had play dates?"
Damian then tossed her to the floor, "Don't. Mock. Me."
Wait, what. Damian was fighting with her? In front of a person who didn't know his secret identity? This couldn't end well--- this couldn't end well--- Kalila was punching him into submission? What.
Steph stared at the two Middle Eastern people before her.
"... Guess that explains how she's related to the Al'Ghuls," She whistled as she watched Kalila and Damian exchange blows. "Once a violent person, always a violent person."
The door swung open. Dick grinned, "Hey, guys, dinner's---" He stopped, staring at the battleground before him, "--Ready?"
Steph shrugged helplessly, "She started it."
Whistling, Dick rubbed his temples, "We're not going to have dinner anytime soon, are we?"
"Probably not," Dr. Kadir shook his head as he leaned in the doorway. "Last time this happened, they didn't eat for another two hours." He paused, now glancing at both Dick and Steph. "I don't know about you, but I'm not waiting for them. Any takers?"
Dick hesitated, but Steph was the one who dragged Dick downstairs as she shook her head, "No complaints here! Come on, you two! Let's go have some musakhan!"
Three hours later, Damian found himself heavily panting as he leaned against the wall for support. Damn, she was a better fighter than he realized! And she wasn't even going easy on him at this point! He couldn't help it: he collapsed to the ground.
She too fell to the floor in a heap; her hijab had long ago fallen to the floor. As she wrestled with her long, unruly, chestnut brown hair, Kalila couldn't help making a face, "Ya Allah, Damian, when'd you get so good?"
"I wanted to ask you the same question," Damian wheezed in-between breaths.
Kalila smiled sadly at him, "Why do we keep fighting, habibi?"
"Again with the nickname!" He glared at her. "I am too old for that kind of nonsense! I don't need people looking after me! I don't need... I don't need..."
He found himself in her arms. Without even realizing it, he supposed, he had made himself completely and utterly vulnerable to her.
Crap. He didn't want this! He wanted to be back in Gotham where he could fight crime and defeat the Joker on a regular basis. He wanted to be a superhero. He wanted to go and fight because that's what his father did.
This was the last place in the world he wanted to be. Why did God have to invent custody battles?
"I don't know," He muttered as he attempted to let go.
"It's okay," She hugged him tightly, "Relax... Damian."
For the first time that night, Damian couldn't help smiling. As she rose from the floor, Kalila extended a hand to him. "Are you ready? I'm sure dinner's very cold by now."
Damian hesitated, staring at her hand. Then he nodded, clasping his own in hers. She helped him up; he helped her rewrap her hijab. As the two walked downstairs to where Dick, Steph, and Wadi were happily discussing politics, Damian smiled slightly at her.
"... Yeah, I think I am. Thanks."
(He nearly gave poor Steph another heart attack, to both Dick and Wadi's amusement.) As he dug into dinner, Damian realized he might not actually mind being here for a whole month. Sure, he would have to live with Squirrel Boy and these other crazy relatives he never knew he had. But as long as they could keep their own and fight alongside him? They may not be half-bad.
"Oh, habibi---" Kalila frowned as she stared at a bruise on Damian's cheek. "Here, let me get some olive oil to cure that!"
Damian stared helplessly at both Dick and Steph as he mouthed, "Help me."
Chuckling, Steph smiled, "Sorry, kiddo. You're on your own here." (To Dick's credit, he tried to help! Really! It just wasn't his fault that Wadi and Dick kept getting into heated debates about endangered whales!)
Never. Mind. With crazy relatives - and friends! - like these, who needs a real life?
Title: The Longest Month
Fandom: DC Comics [Batman and Robin]
Relationship: Dick+Damian, Stephanie+Damian
Universe: AU [no name yet]
Summary: So Bruce and Talia are finally fighting for custody of Damian. Unfortunately? Damian has to go live with his "crazy relatives" until it blows over. And when Dick and Steph pay him a visit... well, this can't end well on anyone's part, can it?
Disclaimer: Only things I own in this fic is Damian's crazy aunt and uncle. Everything else, though, belongs to DC Comics. I'm just borrowing them for a fanfic! ♥
For the fiftieth time that day, Damian Al'Ghul Wayne couldn't help fuming. He stomped his feet, crossed his arms, and stared deeply into the eyes of the woman standing before him. Her hijab (or "headscarf," as the Americans called it) didn't even phase him. Clenching his teeth, the young boy grimaced, "Tell me again: Why am I living with you?"
"The custody battle between your mother and father was too rough," The woman gently smiled at him. She didn't even wince when he attempted to kick her in the shins. Merely dodging his every move, the woman then blocked his next attack and continued smiling, "So you're living with me until they can settle on some kind of compromise."
Damian sneered, "You couldn't live in Gotham? We have to live in upstate New York?"
"The further away you are from the both of them, the better," The woman nodded.
He kicked her again; she merely blocked his next move and tossed him onto the ground. Damian stared up at her. "When did you---how did you---Tt!"
The woman sighed, "Ya Allah... I used to live in Gotham, habibi. If you don't know how to defend yourself against ninjas or pirates or astaghfirullah, supervillains, you're pretty much doomed."
Adjusting her hijab, she then extended a hand towards Damian, "Come on. You're not going to change things by killing me."
"I wish," Damian muttered under his breath. Refusing her hand, he stood up and promptly brushed past her.
"Habibi---"
Damian glared back at her, "What."
"You just walked into the pool."
He promptly stared down at his now-soaked body. Frowning - and ignoring her words! - he then threw his hands in the air as he walked back inside. The woman watched him head into the wrong part of the house yet again... but still, she said nothing.
Pressing a hand to her cheek, she moaned, "This is going to be a long day."
It had been almost 48 hours since Damian Wayne had to leave Gotham. Even though neither Dick nor Stephanie wanted to admit it, Gotham had been significantly different without their little twerp proclaiming and bragging every five minutes.
"I miss him," Batgirl commented one evening while they were both on patrol. "How long do you think that custody battle's going to last?"
"It's going to be a while," Batman shook his head. Neatly kicking five henchmen into a dark alleyway, he clapped his hands, "They said in court yesterday that it would take at least a month to settle, if not more."
Groaning, Batgirl backflipped another henchman into submission. "You're kidding me. One month at least without the brat?"
"I thought you didn't like him," Batman couldn't help the smile tugging at his lips.
Batgirl threw her arms into the air as she flailed, "I-I don't! It's just--"
"You very much miss him," A voice laughed through both of their comm links.
Scowling, Batgirl put a hand to her own, "Not funny, Oracle."
"She does," Batman replied affirmatively, "I never thought I'd see the day."
Batgirl glared at him, "ANYWAY. Where's he living for the time being?"
"Upstate New York. One of Talia's incredibly distant relatives lives there with her husband. They're supposed to be much tamer than the rest of the family."
"Supposed to be--"
"They're both active in the Muslim community."
Batgirl now stared at him, "You swear they're related to Ra's Al'Ghul? That does not sound like them or their family. At all."
"The files check out," Oracle responded. "You still interested in visiting him? I'm pretty sure you and Dick are allowed at any time--"
"Yes! Let's go!" Batgirl didn't even wait for Batman as she jumped into the Batmobile. "Come on! I think we'll need to---"
"We won't be able to take a break for yet another week," Batman patiently cut her off as he slipped into the driver's seat. "Can you wait until then?"
Pouting, Batgirl slumped in her seat, "... Yeah, okay." She immediately perked up at the radio. Now flipping it on and going between stations, she added, "If you let me play Lady Gaga on our way home."
Batman smiled slightly back at her, "I never thought you'd ask."
It was official: this had to be the longest week in Damian's life. After one painful, long evening with the Nahar family - it took him five hours to get the names of Dr. Wadi Nahar and Mrs. Kalila Nahar! - Damian realized he would have to live with them until the end of the custody battle.
As the days passed - with homeschooling, random Arabic soap operas, and the occasional forced "play date" - Damian found himself counting down the days until the next court session. Why did these people have to lavish so much attention on him? He liked being alone. Really!
If he was just reading, Dr. Nahar would poke his head in and ramble about some stupid story involving goats and field mice and... well, Damian stopped paying attention at the fifth mention of a cow. If there was a moral, he wouldn't have found it anywhere.
Kalila wasn't much better. She kept insisting on calling him "habibi," but even worse? She believed that olive oil cured everything. If Damian had a cold? Just pour some olive oil with dinner and voila, instant cure! Everything would be fine if the habibi would just follow his parents' love and care.
GAH. Not only did he hate the endearment (habibi basically meant "sweetheart") but he also disliked their fondness for olive oil. It was bad enough that he had to encounter it back in the League of Assassins, but here? Guess that old saying was true: You can take people out of the Middle East, but you can't take the Middle East out of people.
Now, as he stared at the hummus and pita chips Kalila laid out before him, Damian sighed, "You didn't have to."
"But I wanted to," Kalila smiled, breaking the silence as she dipped a pita chip straight into the hummus. She swallowed it, then laughed, "I haven't had children in here in ages. It feels kind of nice."
Damian glared, "I'm not a kid."
"Of course you're not," Kalila insisted in that sickeningly sweet tone Damian had come to hate, "Habibi, are you sure you don't want it? It tastes pretty yummy."
"I'm fine," He grimaced. "I'll eat later."
He jumped off the bar stool, brushing past Dr. Nahar ("Hayaati, are you sure he's not allergic to olive oil?") and running straight to his bedroom. Funny, he didn't think about this room - not with its large, open windows - as his until he kept feeling threatened by these people.
Grimacing and staring at his own reflection, Damian made shapes with his fingertips. How many more weeks would he have to endure this? These people were crazy!
They knew martial arts ("We used to live in Gotham. Remember?"); they were related to his mother (excuse enough for their insanity), and they insisted on Qur'anic verse nearly every day. It was the absolute worst.
"Ya Allah---" He cut himself short, "Ugh, I'm turning into them."
He could hear the doorbell. Ignoring it completely, he watched the clouds outside roll past the house. There were even the neighbors' kids - who completely avoided him after the sandwich disaster - playing outside with their dog. A perfect afternoon, right?
"Damian? Habibi?"
Again with that nickname? God, it wasn't going to stop! Damian called back, "What."
"Someone's here to see you."
Ya Allah, it had better not be Aspen. Please don't let it be Aspen, please don't let it be that crazy kid who thought squirrels were an endangered species... please, please, please!
And as he stared at the smiling, blonde teenager before him, all Damian could think was, I wish this had actually been Crazy Squirrel Boy.
Stephanie knew Damian was thrilled to see her! From the way his jaw dropped to the way he buried his face in his hands... he was absolutely ecstatic to be free from his iron prison for a couple of hours! (They couldn't break him out: she had pleaded with Oracle for hours. But Oracle just wouldn't budge.
"What if the media got ahold of Dick Grayson and Tim Drake's ex-girlfriend busting Damian out? Then they just might make the leap of the Wayne family being the Batfamily."
There was absolutely no way the media would have made that leap! Ever! Come on. Someone like Damian, be Robin? He would be too busy charming every single lady he met.)
"Hey, Damian," She grinned as she plopped down beside him. "How's life?"
"Fine until you showed up," He scooted further from her.
Pouting, she leaned back, "Jerk. I basically tried to come visit for forever and you tell me, 'Oh, I don't need you here?' Spill."
Swinging a chair towards the two of them, Kalila then sat down near Stephanie and Damian. "Mr. Grayson's coming up in a minute. He just got distracted by the musakhan and hummus Wadi was making."
Damian smiled, "You're making musakhan?"
Stephanie couldn't help staring, "Whoa. You're smiling." She then waved her hands in front of him, "Are you really Damian Wayne? Or did I just walk into the Twilight Zone?"
He blankly stared at her, "I have no idea what you just said."
Laughing, Kalila adjusted her hijab, "You two are just like brother and sister! Yes, we're making musakhan. I figured since you liked it, we should have it more often."
Steph glanced from Damian to Kalila for a few moments before she slowly, slyly replied, "Can you give me the recipe? I really want to know what this dish is if it is Damian Wayne's one true weakness."
Immediately blushing, Damian looked away, "It is not!"
"It's just chicken," Kalila shrugged. "But it's cooked like it is back home in Jordan. I suppose Damian just really likes Arabian food?"
"Makes sense," Steph remarked as she leaned in to ruffle Damian's hair. Now plopping her elbow and successfully headlocking him, she grinned, "Man, I need to have him be around people like you more often."
Damian squirmed, "Gerroff!"
"See," Kalila laughed, "He wasn't like this around Aspen or any of the other neighborhood kids."
Steph gasped, "He had play dates?"
Damian then tossed her to the floor, "Don't. Mock. Me."
Wait, what. Damian was fighting with her? In front of a person who didn't know his secret identity? This couldn't end well--- this couldn't end well--- Kalila was punching him into submission? What.
Steph stared at the two Middle Eastern people before her.
"... Guess that explains how she's related to the Al'Ghuls," She whistled as she watched Kalila and Damian exchange blows. "Once a violent person, always a violent person."
The door swung open. Dick grinned, "Hey, guys, dinner's---" He stopped, staring at the battleground before him, "--Ready?"
Steph shrugged helplessly, "She started it."
Whistling, Dick rubbed his temples, "We're not going to have dinner anytime soon, are we?"
"Probably not," Dr. Kadir shook his head as he leaned in the doorway. "Last time this happened, they didn't eat for another two hours." He paused, now glancing at both Dick and Steph. "I don't know about you, but I'm not waiting for them. Any takers?"
Dick hesitated, but Steph was the one who dragged Dick downstairs as she shook her head, "No complaints here! Come on, you two! Let's go have some musakhan!"
Three hours later, Damian found himself heavily panting as he leaned against the wall for support. Damn, she was a better fighter than he realized! And she wasn't even going easy on him at this point! He couldn't help it: he collapsed to the ground.
She too fell to the floor in a heap; her hijab had long ago fallen to the floor. As she wrestled with her long, unruly, chestnut brown hair, Kalila couldn't help making a face, "Ya Allah, Damian, when'd you get so good?"
"I wanted to ask you the same question," Damian wheezed in-between breaths.
Kalila smiled sadly at him, "Why do we keep fighting, habibi?"
"Again with the nickname!" He glared at her. "I am too old for that kind of nonsense! I don't need people looking after me! I don't need... I don't need..."
He found himself in her arms. Without even realizing it, he supposed, he had made himself completely and utterly vulnerable to her.
Crap. He didn't want this! He wanted to be back in Gotham where he could fight crime and defeat the Joker on a regular basis. He wanted to be a superhero. He wanted to go and fight because that's what his father did.
This was the last place in the world he wanted to be. Why did God have to invent custody battles?
"I don't know," He muttered as he attempted to let go.
"It's okay," She hugged him tightly, "Relax... Damian."
For the first time that night, Damian couldn't help smiling. As she rose from the floor, Kalila extended a hand to him. "Are you ready? I'm sure dinner's very cold by now."
Damian hesitated, staring at her hand. Then he nodded, clasping his own in hers. She helped him up; he helped her rewrap her hijab. As the two walked downstairs to where Dick, Steph, and Wadi were happily discussing politics, Damian smiled slightly at her.
"... Yeah, I think I am. Thanks."
(He nearly gave poor Steph another heart attack, to both Dick and Wadi's amusement.) As he dug into dinner, Damian realized he might not actually mind being here for a whole month. Sure, he would have to live with Squirrel Boy and these other crazy relatives he never knew he had. But as long as they could keep their own and fight alongside him? They may not be half-bad.
"Oh, habibi---" Kalila frowned as she stared at a bruise on Damian's cheek. "Here, let me get some olive oil to cure that!"
Damian stared helplessly at both Dick and Steph as he mouthed, "Help me."
Chuckling, Steph smiled, "Sorry, kiddo. You're on your own here." (To Dick's credit, he tried to help! Really! It just wasn't his fault that Wadi and Dick kept getting into heated debates about endangered whales!)
Never. Mind. With crazy relatives - and friends! - like these, who needs a real life?
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JUST. THANK YOU. YOU'RE AWESOME.
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It was super fun to write! Especially the relatives, though I'm always super paranoid about them in fanfics. XD